Monthly Archives: October 2010

What not to say to a pregnant lady (or any lady for that matter)

I’m going to try really hard not to rant. We’ll see how it goes.

I will be 34 weeks pregnant tomorrow. THIRTY FOUR. My mom gave birth to my two older sisters — both perfectly healthy with no preemie complications — around 36 weeks. When I think about that, it kind of blows my mind.

As uncomfortable and huge as I feel, the possibility that I could have this baby in 2-3 weeks sort of makes me panic. I’d be happy if he came in about a month. I’m sure I won’t be any more prepared in an extra two weeks, but right now, that sounds reasonable.

That said, I’m not looking forward to another month or two of pregnancy.

It seems the baby and my belly have undergone a pretty extreme growth spurt in the past few weeks. Suddenly, everyone feels compelled to comment on my size. And can I tell you? NOT COOL.

I’m already lumbering around feeling like I have a 20-pound medicine ball under my shirt. I’m uncomfortable. My mid-section and lower back ache constantly from the strain on my muscles. I’m crabby, and I’m not getting any sleep because I toss and turn trying to find a comfortable position for the aforementioned medicine ball strapped to my stomach.

The number on the scale is way higher than it’s ever been in my life, and my body image is at an all-time low. I think every pregnant woman goes through a period where she sees pictures of herself pre-pregnancy and feels compelled to weep in mourning of her formerly fabulous body (no matter how unhappy she was with her body before pregnancy).

So guess what I DON’T need to hear right now? The following comments:

“Wow. SEVEN weeks left? I don’t believe it. Please tell me there’s more than one baby in there.”

“I don’t think it’s possible for you to get any bigger.”

“You look like you’re ready to pop.”

“THAT looks uncomfortable.”

I have actually heard every single one of those comments in the past few weeks from strangers and even well meaning friends and family.

Depending on my mood, who the commenter is, and my level of crabbiness, I’m usually able to muster a reasonably polite response. The CVS cashier who insisted I must be having twins because I’m WAY too huge to be carrying one baby received a bit of a sassy retort. (“No. So nice of you to say that, though.” *death stare*)

Honestly, though. I know I’m not the first person to say this, but what in the world makes people think it’s okay to comment on a pregnant woman’s size? When is it EVER polite to comment on someone’s size? Answer: never. Never ever ever.

While I’m on the topic, guess what else is not okay? Groping a person’s stomach. Unless you’ve been given direct permission, keep your hands off. It may look like a beach ball, but it is a part of my anatomy, and I’d rather you didn’t man handle me.

The bigger I get, the more personal space I require. Unfortunately, there is an inverse relationship between my size and the amount of personal space the general public is willing to allot to me.

I guess I couldn’t resist the urge to rant a little after all. But seriously. Keep your hands off my belly, and shut your trap about how enormous I look. Thank you.

Photo by cglatz

This is where he’ll sleep

Last week, the crib and nursery furniture finally arrived. Over the weekend, my mom was kind enough to come for a visit to help Tony and me FINALLY set up the nursery. The baby could be here as soon as a month from now, so I was anxious to get his space set up.

And now, a tour.

This is the dresser where we’ll keep the metric TON of clothing we have for him. The items on top of the dresser are favorite stuffed animals from when Tony and I were kids. I carried that teddy bear around with me for YEARS, and unfortunately, he’s in need of some repair after several run-ins with my family’s Great Dane. Tony’s elephant, however, is in pristine condition. I imagine he lovingly spot cleaned it each night before tucking it into bed. As for the airplane, it was built and painted for Tony by his grandfather, and I am in love with it.

To the left of the dresser is the manly diaper bag we chose so Tony won’t be emasculated while carrying it for me. To the right, the Boppy pillow I can’t wait to use. There’s also a giant photo collage frame behind the dresser that I’ll eventually do something with.

To the right of the dresser is the crib. It’s incredibly simple, which I love. No drop sides, of course, and no frills. The bumpers will be removed before the baby actually sleeps in the crib, but I’m enjoying them now while I can.

His bedding (affiliate link) is absolutely adorable, even though I know he won’t really be able to use the fluffy comforter.

To the right of the crib is the changing table, which I’m using predominantly for diaper storage. Right now the changing pad is holding a bunch of miscellaneous toys and bath things that don’t have a place yet. The middle shelf is currently holding cloth diapers, diaper covers, and small items like nail clippers and teething rings and things. The canvas storage bins came from Walmart, and they’re so cute and functional. The bottom shelf has our stash of disposable diapers (about a month’s worth), which he’ll wear for the first few weeks until he’s big enough to fit into his cloth diapers.

You can’t really see it, but the view from the window is a pretty little creek where several deer live (one of whom has only three legs). I can’t wait to see how pretty it is when it’s covered in freshly fallen snow.

We moved an old bookshelf into the closet for extra shelving. It’s currently holding blankets, extra crib bedding, towels, pajamas, and new clothing that need to be washed before he can wear them. Not pictured: three giant boxes of clothing sorted by size from 0-3 months to 12 months from Tony’s garage sale-ing grandmother. It’s organized so I’ll easily be able to find what I need as he grows into new sizes.

Since our apartment is pretty small, we have nowhere else to keep our giant bookshelf. So the baby will be sharing his room with books. This makes his English professor father endlessly happy.

And now my favorite part of the nursery. Tony has always been a huge fan of the “Calvin & Hobbes” comic strip by Bill Watterson. He has several best-of compilation books that he kept from his childhood. I asked him to choose four or five of his favorite Sunday strips (since they’re bigger and in full color) to frame for the baby’s room. We cut them out of the books, and Tony carefully matted and framed them using $5 frames. The fourth one is the final comic strip in the series. I absolutely love how they turned out.

It’s such a relief to have everything ready for him. I can’t wait to bring him home!

Guest post: From working part time to unemployment

This is a guest post from a reader and frequent commenter, Bobbi, who is from Florida. Bobbi loves personal finance blogs and recently began a new hobby — vegetable gardening. Though she’s currently unemployed, she’s exploring new possibilities, and she hopes to use her love for baking and cooking to earn money.

In June, I started working part time. I did this because my mother is getting older and I want to spend time with her. She needs help at home but with the economy the way it is, it will also help my employer. Work has really slowed down this past year on top of the summer season being normally slow in good economic times. The business has also taken quite a few hits recently. We’ve lost a lot of business on an account due to political reasons and another one of our clients filed bankruptcy. There was a lot of stress in the office and I felt like I wasn’t doing my best work. My boss was also very stressed over finances among other things. So basically, I would rather work part time and have a job, than get laid off.

THAT was the beginning of my post for Karen in July. Soon after I sent it to her, everything changed for me though.

I quit my job.

I could go into all the reasons and the ugliness that quitting turned into, but it really doesn’t matter in the long run. Suffice it to say there was a lot of hurt on both sides of this situation and this was the right decision for me.

I am very lucky in that I have an awesome family support system, but I also have an emergency fund and I budget well. I don’t have a mortgage and refinanced my car right before going part time just in case something like this happened. Yeah, I may pay a little more interest over time, but when I do get a job I can always catch it back up and even pay the car off. I have very little debt & utilities are low so I feel it was the right thing for me to do now. I can keep an eye on my mom and help her around the house. She is getting older now and will not go into a ‘home’ so we are going to do what it takes to keep her here. The stories I get to hear daily is so worth it.

So far I have been able to stay busy. We live on a piece of property and mom likes to get in the yard and do yard work so I have been helping her daily. We are a good team. My sister needs help with her kids after school and sometimes I run errands for her. I job hunt too. I have had some interviews but nothing has worked out yet. I know it will eventually. There are so many people looking it is really sad.

I also have since checked into unemployment and I did end up filing for it. Right now it is in a ‘pending’ state and they will call me and my employer to discuss and make a decision. This process will take 4-6 weeks. Hopefully I will have a job soon and won’t need it, but at least the ball is rolling in case I do need it. I am also looking into starting my own business. I have to admit that this option is scary to me, lol. I also think now is a good time to take a little time to myself and figure out exactly what I need to do and want to do. I am ok for now and am looking forward to the next adventure!

Thanks for reading.

Finally done shopping for baby

For the past four months, I’ve spent a lot of time researching, second-guessing, and making decisions about what we need, what we want, and what brands/models/sizes of each item we should buy for the baby. It seems like every item from the big stuff like the car seat and the crib to little things like bottles and diapers comes with at least 20 questions before you can make a decision. Oh, and you better not make the wrong decision, or YOUR BABY WILL DIE.

You may think that washcloth is perfectly safe, but no. According to Internet forums or Consumer Reports or whatEVER, it is the most dangerous thing you can possibly have around your baby. You might as well just blow cigarette smoke in your child’s face if you plan to use that washcloth.

No, I was never actually told that a particular washcloth could endanger the baby. I am exaggerating. But still! I felt like every little decision we made was life or death.

Today I made our final pre-birth purchase: the crib mattress. I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say I spent the better part of four hours browsing retail sites, reading reviews, and researching my options. But I finally made a decision, placed the order, and we are DONE shopping.

I’m so relieved to say that part is finally over. The crib will be here by next week, our diaper stash is complete, and the car seat is just waiting to be installed. Our incredibly generous friends and family gifted us with everything from the Pack n’ Play to a zillion adorable clothing items. In short, I feel like we have all of the stuff we could possibly need for this baby.

Does that mean we’re ready? Not by a longshot.

We have about a hundred loads of baby clothes, blankets, and diapers to wash. We have nursery furniture to assemble. Well, first we have to clear some space in the nursery for the furniture to fit, which is going to require several hours of cleaning and organizing. This weekend will be devoted to clearing junk out of the baby’s room, and next weekend we’ll be assembling furniture. We have cooking and cleaning and packing to do. And then there’s the small task of actually delivering the baby without pain medication. You know, little stuff.

Despite the fact that everything is coming together nicely, I still panic when I remind myself that we could be meeting this baby in as few as, oh, 30 days. I will be 37 weeks — which is considered full term — in THIRTY DAYS. He may decide to show up around my due date in 51 days. Or he may be stubborn and arrive in 65 days. That’s a nice wide margin, huh?

I’m hoping he’ll arrive somewhere between 30 and 50 days from now, so I’d like to have everything ready in about a month. Yikes. That is so soon. Excuse me while I go freak out now.

Photo by danielflather

What kind of detergent do you use for cloth diapers?

I’m not sure how many of my readers are active cloth diapers (or were in the past). But I’m struggling with a dilemma here, and I’m hoping you can help me out.

We’ve always used the cheapest detergent I could find, but we’re going to have to switch to something cloth diaper-friendly now.

Here are the brands I’ve read/heard about that I’m considering:

  • Country Save
  • Charlie’s Soap
  • Rockin’ Green Detergent
  • Original Tide (Most expert sites do not recommend this, but many of the cloth diapering moms in online forums swear that it works well for cloth.)

I liked the idea of Country Save because it’s the cheapest, so I could go ahead and use it for all of our laundry. The problem with Country Save is that I can only find it in unreasonably huge bulk amounts. I’m not sure if it’s going to work for me or the baby, so I’m hesitant to drop $60 on a year’s supply without testing it. I haven’t been able to find it locally.

The other huge problem: hard water. The water in my city has the highest lime content in the state. I’m worried that some of the cheaper detergents (like Country Save and Charlie’s Soap) won’t work as well for us because of our hard water.

I’m strongly considering Rockin’ Green Detergent. It has excellent reviews, it’s particularly environmentally friendly, and Rockin’ Green offers a special formula for hard water. The downside? It’s going to cost about 35 cents a load. Ouch.

To save money, I’m thinking about using the Rockin’ Green for diapers only. I’ve read that using ordinary detergents for the rest of your laundry can cause buildup to accumulate in the washer and affect diaper absorbency. So I’m thinking I might get a cheaper, relatively diaper-friendly detergent like Original Tide to use for the rest of our clothes.

Some commenters have suggested adding Calgon to the wash to combat the hard water. I’m definitely considering this as an option, but I’d like to keep things as simple as possible in the beginning as we adjust to the baby and cloth diapers. I really don’t want to fiddle too much with our washing system right away, so I’m hoping if I choose a high-rated, hard water detergent it will simplify our washing process.

Once I’m used to caring for the baby and washing all those diapers, I will experiment with less expensive brands to find something cost-effective and diaper-friendly. But in the beginning, I want to keep it simple.

So tell me: what detergent do you use for cloth diapers? Do you use the same detergent on all of your clothing? I’m especially interested in your system if you have hard water.

Photo by rickyromero

Break for gratitude

Now more than ever I need to remind myself that as challenging as my days can be lately, I am very very lucky. Instead of complaining today, I’m affirming all of the reasons that I have to feel thankful on the day after my 26th birthday.

  • A medically uncomplicated pregnancy, and the healthy baby boy who will result from it (eventually).
  • My wonderful husband, who is working so hard to provide for us and take care of me on the days when I’m feeling particularly ill.
  • The incredible kindness and generosity of the friends and family who attended our baby shower this weekend, and the bounty of much needed baby items they brought for us.
  • Central air conditioning to keep me cool despite the 85-degree heatwave we’re experiencing in Indiana. (If I wasn’t pregnant, I would tough it out with fans and open windows. Sorry, electric bill. You’re just going to have to deal with a couple days of air conditioner use in October.)
  • The imminent and much anticipated arrival of fall and winter in the Midwest. I’ve missed it so much for the past three years, and I’m so glad I’ll finally be here to enjoy fall foliage, crisp air, and snow.
  • My parents, my sisters, Tony’s family, and our friends for providing us with the support network we missed so much when we were living 800 miles away.
  • Howie, the best dog in the world.
  • My blog readers, who have been so incredibly helpful with tips, encouragement, and inspiration over the past 2 years.
  • Generic Zantac, the midwife-approved medication that is keeping my reflux (somewhat) bearable in the final weeks of this pregnancy. I don’t like taking medication while pregnant, but the Zantac is much more effective and much preferred over 20 Tums a day.
  • Plentiful freelance work that will help us replenish our emergency fund.
  • Pumpkin-shaped Reese’s peanut butter cups.
  • Mid-day naps.
  • Thanksgiving, which is rapidly approaching.
  • Only 58 days until my estimated due date. I don’t know for sure that he’ll be here by then, but it feels good to know the end is getting so close.

I’m trying really hard to focus on the positive today. Why are you grateful?

Photo by wenzday01

Tick tock

This week has been … challenging.

After several weeks of feeling relatively okay (compared to the first 6 months of my pregnancy), I was suddenly stricken with nausea the likes I haven’t experienced since early in my first trimester. My midwife says it’s perfectly normal for some women to experience a resurgence of “morning” sickness in the final stages of pregnancy. And of course after my 6 months of nausea in the beginning, I’m one of the lucky women who gets more nausea at the end. Yay me!

All I wanted was to lie around listening to sad music and feeling sorry for myself. But unfortunately, I was up against a deadline for a huge freelance project. So this week has been full of stress and sickness and working anyway. Boo.

This week also marked the beginning of our hospital childbirth class. Since I’m planning an unmedicated birth, I was really nervous about the hospital class. Several natural birth resources advised me to skip it, saying it would only pump my head full of fear with talk of pain and pain medication and C-sections. We decided to take the class anyway, because I wanted to know what I’m up against. If my hospital wasn’t going to be natural birth friendly, I wanted to prepare myself.

I was so relieved to discover that everything I heard about hospital birth classes couldn’t be further from the reality of this class. The hospital I’ve chosen is incredibly natural-birth friendly. One of the few in my state certified baby-friendly based on guidelines set forth by UNICEF and the World Health Organization, the hospital I chose has an astonishingly low epidural rate (under 40%!). So far the class has focused on natural pain management techniques. I’m sure we’ll discuss medicinal approaches at some point, but they don’t seem to assume that every woman will show up looking for the drugs.

Because they’re baby friendly, most of the hospital’s standard policies are also very natural-birth friendly. Their policies combined with my midwife’s low-intervention approach makes me very optimistic about my birth.

My friend Kacie, who’s due with her second baby in December, posted her to-do-before-baby list on her blog today, and it reminded me just how little time I have left. My due date is in roughly two months. I still have diapers to buy, freezer cooking to do (thanks for your suggestions, by the way! I’ll be writing more on that later), deep cleaning in my apartment to tackle, and a baby quilt to finish.

Oh! And then there’s the tiny little task of setting up the nursery, which we haven’t even begun. It’s going to be a busy couple of months, for sure. Once I finish a major writing project that I’m working on, I’m thinking I’ll take some time off from freelancing to prepare for baby and rest up. I just hope my body cooperates, and I don’t lose too many days to nausea.

Despite the long, grueling week that’s almost behind me, there’s a light at the end of it. This weekend we’re headed to my parents’ house to celebrate my baby shower and my birthday on Sunday. I’ll be 26 years old. Eep. The second half of my 20s! Where has the time gone?

Photo by faerie-dust

Favorite freezer meals?

We’re down to 65 days until my estimated due date. That means I could be having this baby anywhere from 6 to 11 weeks from now. Since I hope it’s more like 7 or 8 weeks, I’m starting to think about how we can make our lives a little easier in those first couple weeks with a baby.

Several of you have suggested that we cook some meals that can be frozen and easily reheated when we’re too busy or tired to cook. I think this is a fantastic idea, especially since my husband is the main cook in our house. The baby will likely be coming while Tony is swamped with grading and final exams at the very end of the semester. Because he’s a college instructor, he won’t be able to take time off right away when the baby is born. He’ll have three weeks off for winter break, but that won’t begin until December 20.

If this baby comes a little early or right on time like I hope he will, Tony will have a very busy couple of weeks before his break. Between work and our new baby, cooking is likely to fall at the bottom of his list. So I’d like to make things easier on both of us by planning ahead.

Unfortunately, we have very little experience with freezer cooking. Rather than cooking complete meals, I’d prefer to prep meals ahead, freeze the components, and turn them into fresh meals later so it doesn’t feel like we’re eating leftovers. Here are some of the ideas we’ve come up with so far:

  • An enormous batch of homemade pasta sauce. We’ll buy various types of pasta, freeze the sauce in one-meal portions, and then reheat a batch of sauce and boil some pasta for a meal.
  • Lasagna frozen into individual portion sizes.
  • Quesadilla filling that can be reheated and made into fresh quesadillas.

This list is sorta short, so I need your help. What are your favorite freezer meal recipes? Can you point me toward any good freezer cooking resources? Send me your recipes and links, and I’ll be forever in your debt!

Photo by juliehicks