For the first three months of his life, Judah didn’t really have a “bedtime.” I realize the importance of starting a bedtime routine early on, but for a number of reasons, I’m only just now beginning the process.
In the beginning, I spent all of my days holding Judah anyway (I still do, for the most part). I enjoyed it. I’d let him drift to sleep in my arms in the evening, and I enjoyed the fact that he was so still and quiet. I was also anxious about being more than a few inches from him, so the idea of “putting him to bed” made me nervous. The evenings are quiet in our home, so it wasn’t a problem for me to hold him after he fell asleep until I was ready for bed. He sleeps in a bassinet next to my bed, so when I was ready to sleep, I’d bring him into my room, feed him one last time, and then we’d both go to sleep. For the first four months, that’s what worked for us.
As Judah gets older, it’s becoming clear to me that he needs a clearer bedtime routine. He doesn’t fall asleep as easily as he used to, and some nights I can tell that he badly needs to sleep, but the lights and television and general awakeness of the house are keeping him up. He gets fussy and frustrated, and even though he doesn’t particularly want to sleep in a room alone, he needs to go to sleep. This usually happens around 8 p.m. Because I’m not ready to sleep at 8 o’clock, I realized that I needed to let go of my anxiety, and let my baby go to bed.
The first time I successfully put him “to bed” was last weekend. We were visiting Tony’s parents for his mom’s birthday. They threw her a surprise party. Because we live a few hours away, most of the extended family there hadn’t seen him since Christmas, and everyone wanted a chance to hold him. By 8 o’clock, I could tell that he was done. He needed to sleep, but there’s no way he was going to fall asleep with all the commotion like he used to in his newborn days. So I took him into our room, turned off the lights, turned on his white noise machine, fed him, and lay him down in the Pack n Play next to our bed. I lay down next to him and put my hand on his chest to let him know I was there. Within minutes, his eyes grew heavy, and he was fast asleep. I went back out into the house to socialize. I was amazed at how easy it was.
BUT. He was uncharacteristically exhausted that night from all the commotion and the travel. The next night was not so easy. After half an hour of screaming and fussing and refusing to settle down, I finally gave up, put him in his sling, and left the room. After a few minutes of walking around the house in the sling, he finally fell asleep. I had to wake him up to get him out of the sling, but it was much easier to get him to sleep again after he’d already settled down. I would have fought him more, but we weren’t at home, and it was easier to just give in.
In the great sleep debate, I fall somewhere in the middle. I’m not comfortable putting him in his crib and letting him “cry it out” on his own. It’s not because I believe it will do lasting harm. My mom let me “cry it out,” and I grew up to be a perfectly well adjusted person. I don’t believe it’s cruel and unusual punishment for a baby if it’s done properly, and the baby is old enough. I do believe it would be cruel and unusual punishment for us if we had to listen to him scream, though, so I’m not into the idea.
Sleeping right next to him has been a life saver for the first few months. I don’t even have to fully wake up to feed him, and that’s made sleeping much easier for both of us. There is no nighttime screaming. I feel more at ease knowing he’s right next to me, and I can easily check on him throughout the night. It’s been a wonderful experience. But the older he gets, the more I feel I need to put him to bed. The sooner we can teach him to sleep on his own, the better it will be for both of us. I loved sleeping next to my 2-month-old. I don’t think I would enjoy sleeping next to a toddler. My husband and I are ready to have our bedroom to ourselves again.
Because he’s still not sleeping through the night consistently, I’m not ready to move him to his own room yet. I don’t want to wake up in the middle of the night and trudge across the apartment to feed him, nor do I want to let him get worked up enough in the night that it will be a struggle to get him back to sleep. However, I am beginning the long process of transitioning him from his bassinet to his crib in the hopes that we’ll both be ready to complete the transition when he’s around 6 months old.
Here’s my strategy:
He’s slept in a bassinet right next to my bed for the last four months, so he’s not used to his crib at this point. I want him to learn that his crib is a place for sleeping. Beginning this week, I’ve started putting him to bed in his crib around 8 p.m. After changing his diaper and putting on his pajamas, I turn off the lights in his room and turn on his white noise machine. Then I feed him in the chair in his room. He’s usually pretty sleepy at that point, sometimes even asleep, but he wakes up when I set him down. I sit on the floor next to the crib with my hand through the rails resting on his chest and try to soothe him. He fusses some, but eventually settles into sleep. It can take 10 minutes or 45 minutes. If he gets too worked up, I pick him up and rock him to settle him down, and then I put him down again. Once he’s sleeping, I leave the room.
His room is right next to the living room, so I can easily hear him if he stirs. Tony and I watch TV, work on our computers, or whatever. We try to keep things quiet to avoid waking him.
Around 11, he usually wakes up hungry. At that point, I bring him into our room, nurse him in bed, and put him back to sleep in his bassinet. It’s usually not difficult. Once he’s asleep again, I read with the lights dim until I’m ready to sleep.
He’s still waking up once in the middle of the night to eat, and I’m not sure how to discourage that. I’m hoping he’ll drop the habit on his own, but if he’s still waking in the middle of the night in two months, I plan to try harder to break him of it.
In two months, Tony will have a few weeks off between the spring and summer semesters. My plan is to begin the transition to his crib at that point. I know we’ll probably have some tough nights where none of us get much sleep as he gets used to sleeping in his own room (and I get used to having him in a different room), so I want to make the transition when Tony’s off work so he won’t have to be a zombie.
So. Those of you who transitioned a baby from your room to a crib: do you have any constructive advice? Please don’t try to talk me out of it, though. I’ve made up my mind. But I could use some tips if you’ve got them.
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I’m glad to know we’re not alone- we do with our 3-month-old pretty much what you did- just let him fall asleep as we go about our normal evening activities, and he comes to bed with us when we go to bed. I have no semblance of a bedtime routine (except nursing to sleep). At some point, I probably should institute one, because, as you mentioned, he’s starting to get to the point where he doesn’t just fall asleep anywhere regardless of noise or lights, like a newborn.
joanna´s last [type] ..They grow up so fast
What about having the crib in your room for awhile, so he gets used to his new sleeping space but is still close by, and incrementally move it further away from your bedside? I think that’s what Elizabeth Pantley recommends in the No-Cry Sleep Solution. Have you checked out her book at all? She has other suggestions for gently getting your baby into a bedtime routine and helping him sleep through the night. It’s been awhile now (DS is 4.5 and DD will make her triumphant debut sometime around 6/1) but it seems like her book might address that middle ground it sounds like you’re striving for. Good luck!
We are in the same boat you are. Our big concern right now is that it’s apparent that our boy could use some more room than the bassinet. He’s a pretty long boy! So we’re looking to start the transition over the next couple of weeks. I’m a little sad, as I love having him right next to our bed as well.
One of the things we’ve started doing to get our baby ready for bed is a routine bath at night. We don’t bathe him every day still, but we have noticed him sleeping better and longer at night when we do bath time, lotion time, and a little rocking time in a dimly lit room. Just transitioning from the fast commotion of the day to a slower pace seems to do really well. We’re just not very good at doing it every day … but when we can tangibly help him transition from go-go mode to sleepy drifty I can’t hold my eyes open time, he sleeps longer in the night. We eliminate an entire feeding when we do this. BUT like you, I can’t tell if it’s what we’re doing or the fact that maybe on those nights he’s exceptionally tired. Ha!
I’m looking forward to seeing the comments on this post from seasoned mommies. :)
Leigh Ann´s last [type] ..Our Growing Boy
I am putting off dealing with this for Vivienne. I need her to not scream her head off at night (she doesn’t now, but might if I screw with her ‘routine’). And then that will wake Johnny up and what good does that all do for me? I know I can’t have them sleeping in the same room until she’s older and sturdier.
Yeah I’ll deal with this later.
Leigh Ann is right about the lotioning/bath time…it does help.
Once your child starts pulling himself up, a basinett is just not safe anymore.
One thing that helps a lot is to put an “insert” of some sort INSIDE the crib. We had a baby basket, for example, which we put INSIDE the crib…in his OWN room (with baby monitor).
The baby doesn’t all of a sudden have a ton of room then, and feels safer and more confined, like in his basinett. This way, he’ll start getting used to sleeping on his own, and being in his own room.
Eventually, start putting him in the crib without the insert during naptimes, when it’s less scary, eventually letting him sleep in the whole crib (without insert) during the night as well.
This worked with all 3 of my kids….hope it helps you too.
:)
We don’t have a night time routine yet either. and Josiah is still in our bed at night, he’s not even in something of his own. I’m starting to be ready for him to be in his own space because I’m getting uncomfortable and trying to sleep is getting harder. For a week or so he slept so nicely in his crib at nap times and for a few hours each night (like what you’re doing with Judah). Right now I’m working on him taking naps in his crib, it’s frustrating though because he will only nap for 30 minutes to an hour in it, instead of the 2 hour naps he takes in our bed.
Anyway, thanks for making me think. We had the crib in our room with each of the kids, until they were sleeping through the night, well… Caylee STILL doesn’t sleep through the night (she’s 2.5 and wakes up more than Josiah). we just eventually moved her in with Lexi when she was about 18 months. (Lexi sleeps through EVERYTHING).
Anyway, I have no advice, sorry. :)
Jes´s last [type] ..warm sunshine fresh air park tired momma
Let me also say that I have some experience with the 2-year-old and sleep — the routine is fabulous. But don’t make it dependent on something that you can’t take with you wherever you are!
For example, it was great that we could use our song and rock routine in the hospital after Vivienne was born. Shane sang and rocked Johnny like usual and he fell asleep easily, even though we weren’t home.
We don’t give the kids a bath daily because who wants to commit to that? They get a bath once a week or more often if they are actually dirty.
Johnny’s night time routine is: diaper change, pajamas, vitamin drops, brush teeth, turn on fan noise, find a race car to hold, grab a blanket, rock and sing some songs, then into bed he goes. He’s not always asleep but he falls asleep on his own easily.
Same thing for naps, but no PJs or vitamins or teeth.
We switch it up and have my husband or myself do it so he doesn’t become dependent on any one of us.
This is the same kid who would take up to THREE HOURS to get to sleep when he was an infant. It was pretty horrible. And then he’d only sleep for an hour in his crib and then he’d be awake again. I’m glad we’re past that stage!
One last thing and then I’ll leave you alone. Sometimes you can encourage them to drop their night-time nurse, sometimes you can’t. If he’s under a year old, he just plain might be hungry. It might be a little better around that 6-month mark since you will probably be giving him solids and that might take longer for him to digest anyway.
I would say you are off to a good start with getting him to bed in the evening in his crib. I would only suggest to nap him in there as well.
As far as it’s going to go with getting him to settle down or drop a feeding, it’s all going to depend on what’s right for you and him. For us, it was cry it out… he’d already done the cry it out thing for bed time, and around 8 or 9 months I decided no more 3am feedings, and it took one or two nights tops. He was a binky baby though, and I think that helped.
good luck, I hope you guys find a way that works for you and for Judah. I remember how exhausting and overwhelming it could be tackling these kinds of issues. It sounds like you are on the right track though!
The No Sleep Cry Solution, by Elizabeth Pantridge has good strategies. I tried the Cry it out Method. Too hard on the family. The child could cry for two hours solid. But your little one is still little and it sounds like you’ve got the right idea for your guy.
I would start a bedtime/nap routine while he’s still in your room, it will make the transition easier. Read some stories (end with the same story everytime, even before naps, we use Goodnight Moon), and feed him before laying him down. Music or fan in the background helps. Bath before bed, everynight at least for awhile until he’s used to the routine. Lay him down when he’s getting tired but not completely asleep, turn him to his left side (you roll him back, slowly, after he’s asleep), use the same soothing sounds all the time (we used shhhh), pacy if he likes them, swaddle if he likes it.
One of the most important things is not to let him get too tired. We didn’t let our son stay awake for more than 2 hours at a time, at that age. The more sleep they get, the better they go down, and the better they sleep.
If he starts screaming pick him up and calm him down, and then try again. It’s going to take time for him to get used to it, but it’s soooo worth it! Once you get him sleeping well on his own, try moving him into his own room. The older he gets and the more used to putting himself to sleep he gets, you can start leaving the room earlier until one day you just lay him down and he goes to sleep on his own.
I got a little carried away with my advice, sorry! We didn’t know what we were doing for the first 4 months after my son was born, and no one was getting any sleep. We were all a mess! This is what we did and now my son is an AWESOME sleeper! (He’s 14 months now.) The other day, he went over to his door, to tell me he was tired and wanted to take a nap. If you need any help, just email.
The book we used (that SAVED us!!) was Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Can’t say enough good things about it!! Good luck!
Verna´s last [type] ..Changes!
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