Tag Archives: lessons learned

It’s not failure; it’s an opportunity to learn

writer's blockNovember is half over. I should be halfway through my novel. Many of you might have assumed this was coming, but I’m nowhere near halfway through a novel. In fact, I haven’t made it past 5,000 words.

When I started the National Novel Writing Month project, I said it was an experiment. Unfortunately, it hasn’t bee a successful one.

I don’t want to give excuses, but I can give an explanation. I was very ill for the first week of November, which put me way behind. Then, well, I got lazy. Every night I came home from work, finished my to-do list for this blog (which remained my top writing priority), and then I just couldn’t bring myself to write 1,500 more words after sitting in front of a computer writing all day for work.

I was pretty down about it at first. As much as I wanted to “win” NaNoWriMo, I just didn’t have the energy. I’m still coughing a little, and I’m still recovering from the virus I picked up Halloween weekend. A lot of my interests and responsibilities have been on the back burner for the past couple weeks as I continued to recover. I haven’t been to the gym or taken any real photographs for this entire month. It’s been all I could do to keep up with this blog and my job.

I said I wouldn’t give excuses, but I won’t let myself feel bad about it either. Instead, I choose to see it as a learning opportunity. I did learn some things, even if I didn’t write the novel I wanted to write.

Just because you want to do it doesn’t mean you have the time.

A long time ago I had to learn to say no when I didn’t want to do something or take on more responsibility. But I never considered the fact that I could be my own worst enemy. I have to learn to recognize my own limitations and acknowledge that a 50 hour work week, daily blog, photography hobby, exercise, husband and household are already a lot of work. This year just wasn’t the right time to add on another responsibility, no matter how much I wanted it. I was setting myself up for failure.

Not right now doesn’t mean never.

I love to set goals for myself and accomplish them. But I have a now or never mentality that holds me back. Just because I have too much going on right now doesn’t mean I’ll never write my 50,000 word novel. Just because it can’t happen this November doesn’t mean it won’t happen next November (or even next July). There is no time limit. There are no rules. If I want to accomplish something, I will do it. I just need to learn that it doesn’t always have to be right this second.

Acknowledge your own accomplishments.

The whole point of participating in NaNoWriMo was to force myself to write creatively every day. But just because I pushed the project aside for now doesn’t mean I failed. The volume of writing I do for this blog is nothing to sniff at. So many blogs are started and abandoned (I’ve done it myself too many times to count). I should be proud of myself for maintaining a blog for over a year, and publishing about 3,000 words a week on top of who knows how many words I write for work every week.

The point is, if there’s a goal you’ve missed or an accomplishment you gave up, it doesn’t mean it’s over. Learn to accept your limitations, find the right time to pursue your goals, and never give up. But don’t waste time and energy being mad at yourself for putting things on hold.

Photo by samflinn

Could you survive as a one car household?

DrivewayWhen Tony and I were planning our move to North Carolina over two years ago, we had to make a very difficult decision about transportation. At the time, we each drove an older, used car. Both of our cars were doing okay at the time, but they had over 100,000 miles on them. We knew it was only a matter of time before we started having car problems, and we didn’t want it to happen after we moved.

We made the decision to share one reliable car instead of having two older, used cars. Our decision dictated a lot of the lifestyle decisions we made as we planned our move. We found an apartment close to campus so Tony could take a shuttle to class, invested in a AAA membership to ensure that we’d have access to towing and roadside assistance, and chose a new car with a 10 year, 100,000 mile warranty to ensure that our car would be reliable for as long as possible.

It’s worked out extremely well for us. Here’s a rough estimate of the money we save by sharing a car:

  • Car payment: $250 a month
  • Car insurance: $50-$85 a month
  • Gas: $50-$75 a month
  • Registration/taxes: $150 a year
  • Oil changes: $60 a year
  • Tires: $400 every two years or $200 a year

It’s really amazing how much you can spend on owning a car, and most people never even consider if they could live with just one. Depending on your situation, it may be easier than you think. Here are some things to think about if you’re considering life with one vehicle:

How “walkable” is your neighborhood?

Do you live hear a grocery store, library, and other places you need to go regularly? You can get your neighborhood’s “walk score” to determine how close you are to these places. If you’re living somewhere with a low walk score, making a move to a more walkable neighborhood and downsizing to one vehicle could save you quite a bit of money.

Is public transportation a possibility for you or your spouse?

Take a look at your city’s bus schedule and map to see if either of you could commute to and from work using public transportation.

What about carpooling?

Ask around at your job to see if anyone lives in your neighborhood or drives through it on their way into the office. You might be able to throw in some money for gas and ride with them. If carpooling with co-workers isn’t possible, consider a service like erideshare.com or carpoolconnect.com to find other carpoolers around you.

What’s your schedule?

Do you and your spouse have work schedules that would allow one of you to drop the other one off on the way to work? This is sometimes what Tony and I do if he needs the car for some reason during the day. I’m working all day, so the car would just be sitting in the parking lot at my office anyway. It’s no problem for him to drop me off, run his errands, and pick me up in the evening.

Be careful, though.

If you decide to downsize to one car, proper maintenance becomes even more important. Consider lowering your insurance deductible if you don’t have a healthy emergency fund, keep up with regular maintenance like oil changes and tire rotations, and look into adding car rental to your insurance plan to make sure you won’t be stranded in the event of an accident.

Whatever you do, don’t write it off as impossible without considering your options. There are a ton of financial, environmental, and health benefits to becoming a one-car household. With a little planning, organization, and lifestyle shifting, it might be easier for you than you think.

Photo by acrider

Step out of your comfort zone

booksLast month after some encouragement from my favorite blogger friend Kacie at Sense to Save, I joined a book club. We still had 15 months left in North Carolina, and I was homesick and lonely for some girlfriends — or any friends other than my wonderful husband.

Last week I attended my first book club meeting, and I’m so sorry I didn’t do it sooner. We’re moving in just seven months now, but I plan to continue attending book club meetings until we move. It felt so good to get out of the house and do something social without my husband. When I came home, I was so happy to see him, and it felt good to tell him all about it.

I love sharing experiences with my husband. There’s no one else in the world I would rather spend my time with. But going out without him made me realize how much I miss doing my own thing, too. When you’re married, especially when you’re happily married to your best friend, it’s so important to do things every once in a while just for you. It’s healthy to have experiences without him so we can continue to learn and grow as individuals. After all, we fell in love with each other as individuals.

I was nervous about it. I didn’t know if I would fit in. I almost backed out at the last minute, telling myself, “Well, we’re moving in seven months now. There’s no point.” But I’m so glad I went.

Now it’s your turn. If there’s an interest or hobby you’ve been wanting to try, do it! Even it if means stepping outside of your comfort zone. Take a cooking class, join a book club, find a moms group.

I found my book club at Meetup,com, which was great, because I was able to look through the other women’s profiles before joining to make sure it was the right group for me. Most of them were in their 20s and 30s, married, with no kids. Just like me! It made the whole process a lot easier.

The most important thing wasn’t getting together and talking with other women about a book (even though that was fun). This experience taught me that I can do this. I can meet people outside of work and outside of my relationship if I’m willing to put in a little effort and step out of my comfort zone. It’s unlikely that any of the women in my new book club will become my new best friend, but that doesn’t mean I won’t look forward to getting together with them once a month to talk about books and drink a glass of wine.

It felt so good to do something by myself, to meet and talk to people who don’t know me as half of Karen and Tony, but now know me only as Karen. And most importantly, when we move and I find myself in a new place again, it won’t be so scary to step out and make some friends on my own.

What have you always wanted to try on your own?

Photo by foolstopzanet

Live like you’re broke — but don’t forget that you’re not

New shoes

Last week, my $2.50 flip flops that I’ve been wearing all summer bit the dust and one of Tony’s two pairs of shoes started to fall apart. I realized over the weekend that I haven’t bought a new pair of shoes in almost two years (aside from the running shoes I bought in January), and it’s been a year since we last bought Tony sneakers with birthday money from his parents.

I looked objectively at what Tony and I were wearing on our feet. We looked like a couple of college kids with some tattered shoes. I suggested to Tony that we should go shopping for some shoes, and he looked at me like I’d grown another head.

“Should we really be spending money on something like that right now?”

When I outlined the facts for him, we both realized how ridiculous it was not to buy new shoes.

  • We each have only three pairs of shoes — Sneakers, dress shoes, and gym shoes.
  • It’s been over a year since either of us bought shoes.
  • Our sneakers are falling apart.
  • We are not broke.

It’s kind of silly that we had to remind ourselves that buying one pair of new shoes each year isn’t unreasonable. We may not make a lot of money, but we make too much to walk around in shoes that are falling apart.

We spend so much time trying to convince ourselves that we’re broke because it makes it easier to resist overspending, but every once in a while we have to put things into perspective.

Don’t deprive yourself of basic necessities in the name of frugality. Walking around in tattered shoes or clothes to save money isn’t frugal — it’s cheap, and you deserve better than that. Frugality is about conserving, making the most of each dollar you spend, and shopping for the best deals. It’s not about depriving yourself.

We spent Saturday shopping for new shoes, and we ended up picking up two pairs of Converse sneakers on sale at Shoe Carnival for buy one, get one 50% off. Not only did we get a great deal on comfortable shoes, but we reminded ourselves that we are not as broke as we let ourselves believe.

Should you keep a cushion in your checking account?

nickels and dimesA little over a year ago, we moved most of our money into our savings account. We didn’t want to keep very much money in our checking aside from what we need to cover our monthly expenses.

I decided to leave a $1,000 cushion in our checking account. The idea was that $1,000 would serve as the zero mark. It would just sit in the account, unspent, serving as a cushion so we’d never overdraw our account in the event of a miscalculation.

Fast forward 14 months. Each month we went just a little over budget. $50 one month, $25 the next month, $100 the month after that. The motivation to stay completely on target wasn’t as strong because there was extra money there. Now, our $1,000 cushion is gone. Even though we have a pretty health savings account, it feels a lot like living paycheck to paycheck.

I’ve considered putting a little money aside each month in the budget to rebuild our cushion, but here’s the thing: I don’t know if I want a cushion.

Even though I don’t like the feeling of an empty checking account at the end of the month, we’re less tempted to overspend a little here and a little there when we’re cutting it so close. But it still feels like living on the edge. One error and we could be hit with overdraft fees (our bank hasn’t yet allowed opt-in and opt-out for overdrafts like Chase and Bank of America).

I feel like we’re stuck between two crappy choices: the risk of overspending vs. the risk of overdrafting.

I’ve decided to open a new savings account with my bank (our main savings is with ING) and put $100 or $200 in it to reduce the risk of steep charges in the even of a miscalculation. It’s unlikely since I watch our spending so closely, but I don’t like worrying about it.

The thing is, our dwindling cushion wasn’t due to error. It was due to poor judgment. As long as we had “extra” money in our account, we were more likely to make poor choices. As I said last week, we don’t make big purchases, but we nickel and dime accounts to death.

How do you handle this dilemma? Do you keep a cushion in your checking account, or do you move all of your extra money to savings to protect it?

Photo by heypaul

The beauty of a monthly budget

budgetingWhen our no spend summer ended in August, I told myself we weren’t going to go overboard. I told myself we were going to keep our budget just as tight. I was wrong.

Just as I feared, we went a little overboard for the past month. So overboard that it’s only the 23rd and we’ve already spent all of our food budget. Oops.

But you know what I love about a monthly budget? I love that we only have to scrimp for the next 7 days, and then it’s a whole new month. I love having a clean slate at the beginning of every month. Last month’s mistakes don’t matter, because all that matters now is this month’s budget. I can start all over again.

Here’s how I get back on track:

Don’t wait until next month.

As soon as you realize you’re overspending, stop. We stopped a little too late this month, but we’re doing what we can now to control the damage and start fresh next month.

Make some changes to this month’s budget.

If you’ve overspent in one category, see if you can cut discretionary spending in another category to make up for it. I’m cutting down on entertainment and household expenses spending for the next week to make up for a little bit of our overspending in food.

Forgive yourself and move on.

Beating yourself up doesn’t change the fact that you overspent. It just makes you feel bad. Everyone makes mistakes. When you make a spending mistake, the important thing is to stop the bleeding, control the damage, and ride it out until next month when you can have a fresh start.

That’s what I love about monthly budgeting: you’re never more than a month away from a clean slate!

Photo by spiderpop

Lessons learned from our no spend summer

cashIs it really September 1st? It seems like just yesterday when I started no spend summer, but it’s been three months.

Tony received his first paycheck of the school year at the end of last week, which means our experiment is over. But I have to be honest, it feels like it ended at the end of July. Between the Paul McCartney concert, our vacation, our huge camera purchase last week, and some necessary car maintenance, August has been anything but a no spend month.

Despite the fact that our budget fell apart this month, we still accomplished what we set out to accomplish: we made it through the summer living on 2/3rd our regular income without spending any of our savings.

Here are the things we learned from living on a cash budget for (at least) two months:

We developed better grocery shopping skills.

Shopping with cash forced me to learn better budgeting habits for groceries. We were menu planning and list making, but too often before this summer, our total at the cash register was a surprise. We were shooting in the dark when we tried to stay within a budget each week. Now I estimate the totals of each item on our list based on previous purchases, and then I update those amounts as I put things into the cart. This allows me to keep track of how much money we’re spending and make changes at the grocery store if we’re over budget. This skill is essential to staying within grocery budget, and if this was the only thing I learned this summer, it would be worth it.

Cash budgeting is actually easy and freeing.

I used to have a negative attitude toward cash budgeting. Because I tracked my spending electronically, cash in hand was money that had already been deducted from my budget, so I was more likely to blow it. But I found cash budgeting to be incredibly freeing this summer. I no longer dreaded looking at my bank account on Monday morning, seeing how much we’d spent over the weekend, and adjusting my budget for the rest of the month. With cash, I knew exactly what I’d spent, and I knew that it was within budget. Tracking where that money went was simple with Mint, and knowing that we’d stayed within budget removed spending stress.

We became more creative and resourceful.

I’d like to say that we learned to live on MUCH less than normal, but I can’t. We cut our budget pretty close, and most weeks we spent all of our cash by Monday. In the past, we relied too much on the ability to run to the grocery store and pick up a few things in the middle of the week. But with cash budgeting, if we were out of cash and we realized on Thursday that we’d forgotten to add a crucial part of a recipe to the grocery list, we couldn’t just run out and pick it up. It forced us to make do, and we learned to look at our pantry differently.

While this is the official end of no spend summer, we’ve decided to continue cash budgeting. I have actually enjoyed the structure, and I’m hoping cash budgeting will allow us to save more each month so we can reach our goals for Europe, moving, and buying a house much faster.

If you’ve never tried cash budgeting, take it from someone who used to hate the idea, and give it a shot! You might find that you like it. :)

Photo by nicmcphee

A personal story about anxiety & depression

This is a post I’ve been thinking about writing for months. In the beginning, I wanted to keep this blog about money. But now that I’m writing more about lifestyle and well being, I feel like it’s appropriate to share something personal about myself that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share here.

Several months ago, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

I know, in this day and age, what’s the big deal? It seems like everyone has some sort of mental health issue. Diagnoses of anxiety and depression are a dime a dozen. But I’m sharing this here because when it happened to me, it didn’t feel like a dime-a-dozen diagnosis.

For my whole life, I’ve been unhappy for no reason. I thought that when I found the right person, we’d live happily ever after. Then I found Tony and everything was perfect, but it still wasn’t enough. I thought I needed to lose weight to be happy. I lost 40 pounds, and I still felt unhappy. I was working in a job I hated, or struggling with money, or I was unhappy with our location, or I wanted a baby. I always had an excuse for my unhappiness.

Finally, several months ago, Tony and I had a serious talk about it. “It’s always something,” he told me. “I don’t want you to look back 40 years from now and think that you were never happy because something was always missing.”

I decided to see a therapist. We talked about my constant unhappiness. Even though I knew I was blessed and saw all of the reasons I had to be happy, I just couldn’t feel that way.

We talked about how my whole life people had told me, “Why can’t you just be happy? Just wake up tomorrow and decide to be happy.” I can’t tell you how frustrating that was. Of course I wanted to be happy. I wanted to appreciate all of the wonderful things in my life. I tried and tried for years. I felt like there was something wrong with me.

We also talked about the worry and the fear and the anxiety. In a lot of ways, it had prepared me for the worst. It made me plan and think ahead and live carefully. But it also kept me up at night and stole away the happiness that I should have been feeling.

For years, I thought this was just who I was. I lived with it like a constant noise in the background. It drove me crazy, but I didn’t ever think to investigate or find a way to turn it off.

When my therapist suggested I try medication, I was hesitant. I’m sure frequent readers know, I can be a bit of a control freak. I dealt with the fear and anxiety and depression by micro-managing every aspect of my life. I tried to stay one step ahead of everything, and I told myself there was nothing I couldn’t do. I felt like taking medication meant I was surrendering to the depression and anxiety. If I had to “take the easy way out” with medication, then I’d lost.

After some soul searching and discussion with Tony, I made the decision to give it a try. I had tried everything else; it wasn’t working. In fact, things were getting worse. I was open to trying something new.

I was prescribed a low dose of a mild anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication. The change in me was instant. It was like someone had finally turned off the static in the background. I could think clearly. I could deal with the feelings of sadness and fear I’d faced my whole life. I finally felt like it was possible for me to wake up in the morning and just decide to be in a good mood.

After three months, I can tell you it’s not magic. It’s still work. I still have bad days. I still feel depressed and anxious sometimes. But a bad day now is nowhere near as bad as my best days before. I feel capable of coping now. I feel like the road blocks that I faced before when I tried to be happy are gone. The blinders have been lifted, and I can finally appreciate the beauty in my life.

Most importantly, it didn’t change who I am. That was my biggest fear; that taking away the anxiety would change my personality or take away all of the things that had allowed me to stay one step ahead.

It didn’t make me a zombie. I’m still a bit of a nut case. I still overreact a little (I’m working on it). But now when I overreact, I don’t take it out on Tony. I don’t completely lose my cool to the point that I feel guilty later. I can cope with changes in plans and problems and bad days much better. I’m still me; I’m just a better, happier version of me.

I still want to plan. I still want to prepare. But now it’s not out of fear, but out of excitement for the future.

I know this is something that a lot of people face, and I’m sure there are many of you out there who feel like I did. You’re afraid to seek help. You’re afraid to try medication. I want to tell you — don’t be. It won’t change who you are. It doesn’t mean you’ve lost. I lost many years of my life when I should have been happy to these feelings of sadness and fear. Don’t waste another day feeling this way.

If you’re considering medication, please feel free to send me an email if you want to talk to someone who’s been there. I’d be happy to tell you about my personal experience with minor side effects and the amazing benefits.

If you feel like you’re losing the battle with depression and anxiety, maybe it’s time to try something new.

Traveling with pets without losing your mind

This week on our vacation to Indiana to visit family and friends, we brought our dog Howie along for the ride. Our families were both happy to accommodate him, and he’d rather be with us than back home in a kennel. But bringing a dog along on vacation comes with a long list of hassles.

Howie window

We took some steps to keep Howie happy and out of our hosts’ hair while saving our own sanity. Try these tips if you’re bringing your favorite family pet along for vacation:

Exercise, exercise, exercise.

If you think your dog has had enough exercise, put him on the leash and take him out again. If you have a young dog, it’s not possible to exercise him enough on vacation.

Howie is incredibly well behaved in the car — he usually just goes right to sleep as soon as we start driving. But we still stop every two hours on the road to let him stretch his legs on long car trips. We also took him for a run every morning when we were staying with family. Nothing is more stressful than an under-exercised dog in a strange environment. Without enough exercise, dogs are restless and whiny at best and downright destructive at worst. Make sure they’re spending the vacation as tired as possible.

Bring as much of home as you can.

When Howie was younger and sleeping in a crate, we brought it along on trips. Now we bring his dog bed, his favorite toys, and plenty of food. If you’re traveling with a cat, consider bringing a scratching post, cat toys and bed to keep them occupied and comfortable. Bringing a piece of home along with you will make them feel more secure in a strange environment, and the more secure they feel, the less likely they are to act out.

Don’t pawn your pet off on family.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Howie is pretty much the most adorable dog ever. Consequently, all of our family members were offering to walk him and feed him and pet him. It’s easy to walk away and assume they’ll take care of taking him outside or disciplining him if he’s getting too rowdy. Be careful not to do that.

If you’re visiting family with your pet, don’t expect them to do the dirty work. Just because they’re enjoying the novelty of your furry friend doesn’t mean they want to scoop the litter box or follow your dog around with a poop bag. Don’t get too distracted to take care of your pet’s basic needs.

If your family or friends want to take advantage of the fun parts of spending time with a pet, let them. But when it comes to the dirty work, make sure you’re doing it yourself. If you expect someone else to take out the dog, you might end up with a mess on the floor, and your family won’t be so willing to welcome your pet next time.

Since I’m not a cat owner, I’d like to hear from those of you who’ve traveled with cats. How do you make it easier on your pet when you’re traveling?